To be quite honest I almost feel as though this vicious cycle of hurt, pain and open ended questions will never have a visual closure. I feel that with our ever growing population that someone out of us all would have some of these answers that many of us so much seek. I’m not sure what the meaning of these new found issues may be or what it may mean for my future at hand. I miss waking up and not having any real worries in life, besides having to figure out what to wear to school that day or what new rumor would be told. From a very early age it seems like we are almost thrown into the notion that everyone but ourselves is untrustworthy. We get let down time and time again after seeking such help from a very early age. Thus being true I do feel that it isn’t ‘just’ to say the very least. We were made to be as units not as loners out to take on every single challenge as one person trying to make it count as if it were a whole fucking army.
Today, I sit here 28 years old and cannot help but to wonder if I will ever the person that I hope and pray to be. My weakest moments seem to hit like a train. My health deteriorating and any chance I may have had at a true future as far as any sort of income or being able to provide even the simplest things for myself has completely and utterly diminished. I never asked for any of this. Yet, I sit here everyday waging this war in my head trying to figure out how exactly to fix it. I would be lying if I were to say that it wouldn’t be easier to just allow myself and my future to fall into the cracks. It becomes difficult to do the right thing, when the right thing isn’t always so clear. I feel as though even avenue has been taken and every door that I know has been opened. It is people like me who get forgotten about. Who aren’t getting the help that they so much seek. Don’t doctors have degrees for a reason? Isn’t that reason to help us and to help provide us better quality of life if it so shall fit? Well, why then are these doctors, and so called caring individuals not there when such help is sought after. The fact that these people have the means to help and do something and make that choice not to do so all comes back to what I was saying before. Generally, when it comes down to it…we have only ourselves. Society , as it is today needs some serious help as a whole if we all seem to think it is okay to push people to the side as such. I am starting to lose my faith and hope that things will ever get better for me and am just simply waiting to be proven wrong in the midst of this chaos.
4 months ago · 1 note · Source